Tantric Relationships

Tantric relationships can be quite varied, so it is not safe to assume that simply because one tantrika is a particular way, that the next one will be the same. All the variations from celibacy to polyamory constitute the spectrum of Tantric relationships.

So what makes a relationship Tantric? It has quite a lot to do with the approach and intention.

The Tantric ideal is for two individuals to see their partner as an embodiment of the Divine. While being whole and complete unto themselves, they rejoice in the opportunity to be together not out of need, but rather from a desire to deepen their love of life. They have developed their sexual talents and gift these to their partner as they experience a profound merging in a state of mutual unconditional love.

Unfortunately, most of us come encumbered with emotional baggage. We get irritated with what we percieve as shortcomings in our partner. We find ourselves needing one another not only for help in the task of life, but in response to emotional wounds acquired in the process of growing up. Often times we pursue our own agenda in relationship and during sex without regard to our partner and then ask, "was it good for you too?" We find ourselves wondering whether we can tolerate our partner's quirks and may withhold love or sex until certain conditions are met.

Because of the gap between the ideal and reality, tantric relationships can be considered as shared journeys in spiritual and emotional healing. Such a journey requires a willingness on the part of both partners to engage in rigorous self-examination in the pursuit of true intimacy. This requires:

• Emotional Honesty - The ability to express and receive the full range of feelings with your partner.
• Emotional Maturity - The willingness to be responsible for your upsets and reactions rather than insisting that your partner "did it to you."
• Vulnerability - The willingness to drop your masks in the presence of your lover.
• Acceptance - Partners loving one another as they are, quirks and all.
• Maintaining Presence - Keeping one's attention on one's partner on a moment to moment basis, without distraction or agenda.
• Trust - Letting go of strategies designed to control the relationship out of a hidden fear that one's partner will leave because one is unworthy.

In addition, a Tantrika may find that their realtionships become less stable as they peel away the facades of self-deception and experience evolution beyond their current partner.

So Tantra doesn't necessarily ensure a lifelong lover, rather it is for people with a desire to grow and evolve.