How I Love My Wife

HOW I LOVE MY WIFE  Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. sashalessinphd@aol.com

 

"Too tired to make love," according to NEWSWEEK (June 30, 2003), is how evenings usually end for most  American live-in couples, 20% of whom have intercourse less than 10 times a year.  This "bed death" is a major cause of relationship demise.  Daily Double Tantra Connects offer a delightful alternative to the tragedy of weakening libido and breakups.

 

DAILY DOUBLE TANTRA CONNECTS Wife Janet and I make love at least twice–usually three times-- a day. We work at home and create our own schedule, so scheduling's easy for us.  But you and your live-in can adapt the principle of touching souls and genitals two times daily to any schedule.

 

3 AM: I feel a gentle kiss on the lips.  But then I feel tickly whiskers and hear purring and realize it's my cat, Cleo.  Cleo wants me to feed her and put her outside to pee.  This accomplished, I work at my computer till 7, do yoga till 8, then make breakfast for Janet.

 

FOREPLAY FROM THE GETGO I fix tea, toast and turkey bacon as part of our foreplay.  Then, also foreplay, I listen to and expand her dreams, hear her twilight imaging and help her formulate plans for the day.  Focusing attention on her and serving her make her receptive to lovemaking in the afternoon.

 

About 10AM, I ride my bike to the beach or gym, swim or lift weights, and pedal home.  We eat, talk, shower and prepare for our afternoon delight-Honoring the Shakti Shrine and Embracing the Bucking Bull.

 

AFTERNOON DELIGHT I ask Janet if I can undress her.  I tell her what I admire about her body as I remove her clothes.  I invite her to lie on her back, touch my right palm to her heart and put her right hand on my heart.  Resting my left hand on the back of her right, I tell her to put her left on my right and look deeply into my left eye as I gaze into hers.  I say, "To serve you delights me, my Shakti.  I love relating this intimately.  May my adoration heal hurts I and others caused you. I pray our hearts unite. Meet me, your devotee, at the Shrine of the Yoni Nadi.  There, together, we transcend our separate self-senses and join the divine dance of the cosmos."  Then I ask, "What words have you to consecrate the worship I offer?"

 

RUB HER RIGHT I ask if she'd like a massage; she rolls onto her belly and I gently tug her toes, rub her soles and the backs of each leg, massage her fingers, palms, arms, then back and bottom.  I help her turn over on her back.  I keep eye-contact with her as I massage the newly presented sides of feet, hands, arms and legs.  I glide my hands over her torso, barely brush labia and nipples and gently massage her belly--pulling the rectus muscles from side to side and tracing the ascending, transverse and descending colon clockwise.  Then I massage her face and head.  Finally, I stroke and knead the muscles inside the leg (especially the gracillus muscles, where the roots of the clitoris insert into the pelvis).  I press my fingers deeply into the muscles above her pubic bone.

 

"May I touch your Temple of Love?" If she consents, I connect all her chakras with sacred sector energy.  Resting my left hand gently on her heart and holding my right hand over her yoni (vulva).  I imagine beaming love from my eyes into her left eye.  We breathe together three times, then I settle my hand gently on her mons and say, "I love you.  Feel our hearts connect, energy vibrates between us.  I send you love as I breathe out; inhale it."  I exhale, draw my navel back toward my spine and up, tighten my pubococcygeal and anal sphincter muscles and imagine energy fountains up my spine from tailbone, through my heart and out my right hand into her yoni. Inhaling, I feel energy I sent her move through her heart into my left hand.  Keeping my right hand on her yoni, my eyes on hers, I slowly move my left hand to her crown and invite the Goddess of Love to enter her crown and move through her central channel to her yoni-shrine.  I move my left hand to her brow chakra.  Successively I move my left hand to her throat, belly and rectal chakras.  For each, we take three breaths, eye-gaze and imagine we connect energetically.

 

I say, "I'd like to stroke your drapes and the skin over your pearl."  When she says, "Oh, yes; please," I tell her to make sounds and direct me with words; give me feedback.  I gently stroke her outer labia, roll the clitoral hood around the clitoral crown avoiding directly touching the crown yet.  When her outer vaginal lips swell, revealing the inner lips, I softly trace circles, spirals, horizonals, verticals, diagonals, and figure-eights on the lips.  I alternate long, short, inventive, sensitive and playful strokes, softly tap, knead and pinch the hood and labia, then brush the crown.

 

POLISH HER PEARL, LICK HER LABIA, PET HER PUDENTIA When inner labia engorge, I ask, "Would you like me to polish your pearl?" (pearl = clitoral crown).  As we maintain our gaze, I blow on her outer genitals, plant baby kisses and twill my tongue round on her crown, lick her labia, flick my tongue into her yoni.  My mouth envelops her clitoral hood and, through the hood, my lips stroke internal shaft of her clit.  I salivate generously; lubricate her orifice.

 

After thirty minutes, I say, "I'd like to enter your sacred cave with my finger."  If she's ready, I moisten my finger in my mouth and place the tip of my ring finger pad on her vaginal opening and say, "Pull my finger in." When I feel her vaginal muscles pulse on my finger, I ease my finger into her cave and curl it inside toward her navel, so it rests gently against her sacred sector/G-spot/yoni nadi/transom.  We breathe together, my finger unmoving for ten deep breaths while I imagine an energy-extension of the finger reaching up inside to her heart.

 

With the finger inside her, I trace a light "come here" motion, caress her G-spot, slowly and softly trace the inner surface of the top of her cave from cervix to orifice as I kiss her pearl, lap her labia, wet her with saliva.  I turn my wrist from side to side which moves the finger inside her in a crescent-pattern on the urethral sponge atop the ceiling of her yoni.  After fifteen minutes, I ask, "Would you like two fingers inside?"  She nods and I curl the underside of my right middle and ring fingers together along ceiling of her yoni.  I move these two fingers and down the transom over the door and out the yoni, with a "come here" motion.  My left hand rests gently on her belly and I press the ring and index fingers of this hand into her abdomen just above the pubic bone until I can feel the fingers inside her yoni pushing up to meet the fingers pressing her abdomen.  I create dances through the ceiling of the yoni, dances for the fingers inside and the ones outside her.  I feel her sacred sector swell between the fingers on her abdomen and those in her vagina. I memorize which internal locations give Janet pleasure.

 

ENCOURAGE EMOTION If, while I touch inside, she tenses, numbs or burns, I say, "Free associate–say whatever comes."  She remembers touch, sex and times that traumatized or closed her down emotionally and sexually.  She relives and relates childhood events, pastlives, fantasies, abductions, spirit attachments.  She screams, cries, laughs, makes strange sounds. "Let your feelings out, Sweetheart."  I hold her as she sobs and speaks to each person who hurt or neglected her.  If she tells me she's angry at me, I say, "Louder. Let me know how mad I make you."  When she's let all her feelings out, I ask her to fantasize and roleplay a rewrite of the situation.  I keep my fingers inside on the spot that triggered her catharsis as I enact her parent or lover the way she wished they'd been. When she relaxes, I move my fingers back and forth from the area that stimulated the painful memories and an area that felt good when touched until she enjoys both places.

 

ENJOY HER EJACULATION  When Janet recognizes, releases and creates alternative outcomes and we have paired the trigger areas--areas that initially burned, hurt or felt numb–with pleasure, she orgasms (spasmodically contracts her vagina).  I make sounds with her.  As she orgasms, she simultaneously ejaculates--dribbles or squirts (a few cubic centimeters to several ounces) divine nectar (amrita)--clear or slightly milky, sweet- tasting, alkaline fluid from her urethra into my mouth.  I croon, "You're beautiful," "I love you," "You're coming into your power," and other affirmations.  These affirmations imprint powerfully as she ejaculates.  I keep my right hand in her yoni and hold her close.  After several minutes, with added lubricant, very carefully (to prevent tearing the now-desiccated tissue), I withdraw my fingers. I lie next to her, holding her tight, my hand on her yoni.

 

FEEL FINE WITH 69, THEN RIDE THE WAND. I lie back and we move into mutual oral-genital loving.  Janet then turns about, kisses my lips, looks in my eyes, slips my wand into her yoni, rotates and pumps her pelvis around the wand.  I avoid ejaculating, I pull my belly toward my spine then up (belly hold-uddiyana bandha) and tighten pc muscles (mula bandha) when I feel prostate and seminal versicles nearing discharge.  I save my seed for our evening tryst.

 

If you don't have time for this full afternoon connect, at least spend fifteen minutes sitting with your legs over each others' hips or lying on one another, gazing in each other's eyes.  Let your genitals touch.  If you're a man-woman pair, stuff the man's wand into the woman's cave, even if he's limp. If the man has an erection, insert but don't move.  That's your preview of coming attractions; save your energy for evening.

 

After our afternoon connect, Janet and I work a few hours, then walk through the woods to the mailbox.  I make dinner, we share our news, then go upstairs.

 

BLESS YOUR EVENING LOVEMAKING At night Janet lies on me.  We breathe together, then syncopate breath-take turns, exhaling through the mouth into the other's nostrils, saying, "Take in my love, hold it in." and, inhaling, "I take in and hold in your love."  I Imagine running energy from the front of my perineum, genitals, belly, throat, heart, brow and crown--chakras into Janet's. We take three such syncopated breaths for each chakra, bless each as follows.  We pulse our anal sphincters and say, "I love you. Feel your base and enjoy health, safety and security." Pressing our genitals together, we say, "I love you at your genitals, and bless your sensuality, creativity and sexuality."  We touch bellies and say, "I love you in your power chakra; take what's yours."  Placing right hands on each others' hearts we say "I send you love from the heart."  With our hands on the back of each others' necks: "May you speak honestly and sing your true songs."  We join brows and look up into each others' eyes till they appear to merge, then say, "  I celebrate how you understand and intuit." Finally, we flow energy between our crowns and say, "I merge with you. May you experience unity with the Universe."

 

ENGAGE IN EXTENDED LOVEMAKING, EMPLOY HAND-ASSISTED TECHNIQUES In positions that suit our particular bodies (I'm 6'1", she's 5'2"), we make love. When Janet's on top of me and my wand's in her yoni I reach my hand behind her buttocks and press the base of my wand and direct the shaft inside Janet to churn, rub and stroke the inside of her yoni in ways she likes.  I insert a finger into rosebud and move the finger in a dance through the intervening tissue with the wand in the adjoining vaginal wall. After Janet's had as many orgasms as she wishes and drenched me in amrita, she asks me to roll over on her and release my seed as I look in her eyes.  We make ever-louder exclamations then roar like lions as I squirt.  I remain inserted several minutes, then kiss her lips, whisper words of love, invite Cleo the cat onto the bed, read a little Zecharia Sitchin, then sleep.